I will begin where I am at in my life. I’m now living in my own apartment in a home called the Lighthouse. It is a Christian-based program. I have a few things I must attend while living here. I don’t consider them ‘things’, the only word I could think of – what I mean by that is, this is a Christian learning program, to help female offenders get a rather new perspective on life.
The program is 6 months to a year. What it is to me is a new outlook on recovery, returning to God. I attend Life Center church, I have a mentor, Stephanie, that helps in directing my way to the Lord. Pat, who is the director, holds two Bible studies we attend each week. I also attend a weekly Bible study at my church as well as Church every Sunday. I have now been here about a month and a half.
A little of my background, I have had a problem with alcohol for a very long time, probably since I had my first drink around 13 – 14. I’m now 49. I have had a rather limited understanding of God, and very little of real knowledge.
I grew up going to Sunday School and Church. I don’t ever remember being angry at God or ever not believing in God. I do know when my end came 2 years ago 10-18-06. I knew God was the only one left who could or would help me. By this time I had no friends or family left, they had all given up on me. I couldn’t stay sober. The Pastor of the church I was going to sat with me and told me it (my life) was going to get worse before it would get better and it did. I ended up going to the hospital for alcohol poisoning, the next day I went to jail.
OK back to the present. Now going back there really makes me see why I’m grateful to have ended up here. I feel I have a real foundation starting here. I’m learning more about myself through God’s love. I never thought I would get over such guilt and shame that I carried for so long.
I’m beginning a really good-great relationship with my daughter. She’s 17 and really needs me now. I’m beginning to feel I have some good things to offer her as a mother. My son, who is in Chicago, is feeling good about me. He knows where I am and how to reach me. My daughter and I call him often so he can feel part of us. I’ve discovered through God’s love that I can heal as well as help to heal my loving children. I can only pray to grow and learn more while I’m here at the Lighthouse.
Out of all the half-way, recovery houses I’ve been in over the last 2 years, the Lighthouse by far is proving to be the best. The loving care of the director as well as the board members has helped me feel I’m worth being a loving child of God.